I tried to post this last night but for some reason this site wasn't letting me.
Yesterday was awful...I completely lost it. I just felt like crying. What was I thinking?!
I was doing so well until the Outback thing; we ended up going. That was my first mistake. So, we went to Outback and, of course, my dad orders the Bloomen Onion...and I had some of it. Not too much but I felt disgusting afterwards anyway. Then I had half a piece of grilled chicken and half a serving of garlic mashed potatoes. I was upset that I clearly went over my 100 calories but was semi proud that I didn't eat everything. Still it was not acceptable.
But it doesn't stop there! We get home and my dog had peed in the house and my mom was upset. So I decided to make her some brownies to make her feel better. My brother and I got her an all edges brownie pan for Christmas so I decided to try it out. I wasn't planning on eating any of the brownies but somehow I managed to eat a whole one plus a glass of milk! The best part? I don't even like chocolate!! Ughhh!!! So that's the end, right? Wrong! I had a serving of gummi worms (110 cals), a peanut butter and jelly wrap on an 80 cal flour tortilla, a plain flour tortilla, and a glass of Arizona iced tea. How disgusting is that?!! that is sooo much food!!! And I couldn't even stop myself, no matter how hard I tried. I am beyond disgusted with myself...
And then I just had to do it...I had to get the food out of me. I was uncomfortably full and could just feel myself getting fatter the more I let the food sit inside my stomach. So I went to the bathroom, turned the sink on to cover but the noise, bent over the toilet, and shoved a finger down my throat...Problem? Nothing happens...I had never purged before. So I decided to get in the shower and try harder. And it worked. Of course I didn't get it all out, but I got some of it out. I still felt disgusted though...I cannot believe I let myself eat so much food.
So now it's the morning and I need to stay a way from food! I'm not sure if I'm fasting today or what. It's supposed to be a 200 cal day but how can I let myself eat anything after last night? On the bright side, I haven't gained any weight. I couldn't resist weighing myself this morning. I was terrified that my binge was going to cost me. Of course I'm upset that I haven't lost anything since Monday (it's been 3 days!!!) but it's better than gaining...
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