Thursday, January 6, 2011

Horrible day!! (ABC Diet - Day 5)

I tried to post this last night but for some reason this site wasn't letting me.

Yesterday was awful...I completely lost it.  I just felt like crying.  What was I thinking?!

I was doing so well until the Outback thing; we ended up going.  That was my first mistake.  So, we went to Outback and, of course, my dad orders the Bloomen Onion...and I had some of it.  Not too much but I felt disgusting afterwards anyway.  Then I had half a piece of grilled chicken and half a serving of garlic mashed potatoes.  I was upset that I clearly went over my 100 calories but was semi proud that I didn't eat everything.  Still it was not acceptable.

But it doesn't stop there!  We get home and my dog had peed in the house and my mom was upset.  So I decided to make her some brownies to make her feel better.  My brother and I got her an all edges brownie pan for Christmas so I decided to try it out.  I wasn't planning on eating any of the brownies but somehow I managed to eat a whole one plus a glass of milk!  The best part?  I don't even like chocolate!!  Ughhh!!!  So that's the end, right?  Wrong!  I had a serving of gummi worms (110 cals), a peanut butter and jelly wrap on an 80 cal flour tortilla, a plain flour tortilla, and a glass of Arizona iced tea.  How disgusting is that?!!  that is sooo much food!!!  And I couldn't even stop myself, no matter how hard I tried.  I am beyond disgusted with myself...

And then I just had to do it...I  had to get the food out of me.  I was uncomfortably full and could just feel myself getting fatter the more I let the food sit inside my stomach.  So I went to the bathroom, turned the sink on to cover but the noise, bent over the toilet, and shoved a finger down my throat...Problem?  Nothing happens...I had never purged before.  So I decided to get in the shower and try harder.  And it worked.  Of course I didn't get it all out, but I got some of it out.  I still felt disgusted though...I cannot believe I let myself eat so much food.

So now it's the morning and I need to stay a way from food!  I'm not sure if I'm fasting today or what.  It's supposed to be a 200 cal day but how can I let myself eat anything after last night?  On the bright side, I haven't gained any weight.  I couldn't resist weighing myself this morning.  I was terrified that my binge was going to cost me.  Of course I'm upset that I haven't lost anything since Monday (it's been 3 days!!!) but it's better than gaining...

No comments:

Post a Comment

Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Schizoid |||||||||||||||| 70%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||| 54%
Antisocial |||||| 22%
Borderline |||||||||||||||||| 78%
Histrionic |||||| 26%
Narcissistic |||||| 22%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 42%
Dependent |||||||||||| 42%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||||||| 70%
Take Free Personality Disorder Test
Personality Test by