Tuesday, February 19, 2013

I'm trying to get on here more often but life has been so hectic!!  I just finished a production of Dracula here at school.  It was my senior research project and my final show here before I graduate in May.  So crazy...  There were lots of tears..  It was an absolutely phenomenal show though and i'm so happy I got to take part in it.

"Recovery" is going well..  I saw a dietitian who set up some guidelines for me.  For starters: breakfast...every morning....  Gah!!!  AND lunch and dinner..  So much food.  But I can do this.  I have a Greek yogurt and a glass of milk every morning.  I need to include more calcium and protein in my diet as well.  But for the most part I get to make my own food decisions and use her guidelines to help my choices.  I also got some blood work done.  Everything's normal :D  Thank goodness.  I was worried.

Haven't cut in like two weeks which is awesome.  I've had the urge but I've managed to resist.  Carole, my therapist up here, has given me some good advice on how to make the feelings pass.  And reading the book "Life Without Ed" has helped tremendously.  I've just started her other book "Goodbye Ed, Hello Me" which is also really good.  And of course Ellen has been amazing through this whole process.  I would be completely lost without her

Thursday, February 7, 2013

I don't think I can do this whole recovery thing...  It's so difficult!!  I cry myself to sleep every night.  Though that isn't really much of a change.  But I just don't want to eat.  And keeping myself from self-harm is difficult.  I just don't know....  I have another therapy appointment tomorrow so I'll talk with her about all of this.  That's also awkward...  Talking to people.  Oh well...  I can do this.  Just keep pushing.

Friday, February 1, 2013

I haven't been on here in seemingly forever... I'm trying this whole recovery thing... Therapy, recovery journal, support systems, everything. It's the hardest thing I've ever done... I'm reading a book called "Life Without Ed" that is incredible. Definitely helpful.

Problem...idk if I can actually do this. Ana constantly screams at me. Telling me I'm not good enough, thin enough. I'm worthless, stupid, fat.. We'll see how this goes...
Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Schizoid |||||||||||||||| 70%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||| 54%
Antisocial |||||| 22%
Borderline |||||||||||||||||| 78%
Histrionic |||||| 26%
Narcissistic |||||| 22%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 42%
Dependent |||||||||||| 42%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||||||| 70%
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Personality Test by SimilarMinds.com