Saturday, October 29, 2011


So I can't keep up the ABC Diet.  It's just too complicated at the moment.  I'm still restricting and limiting calories and food but telling myself I can stick to the ABC Diet is just setting myself up for failure.  So for now I'm just getting away with eating as little as possible.  Measuring cups and table spoons have become my best friend for pre-measuring portions.  I keep a 1 cup bag of cheerios (100 cals) in my room at all times so I can just grab it and go in the morning if I didn't get the chance to eat breakfast or I need something to snack on throughout the day.

I bought ingredients to make myself omelets in the morning when I have time.  They are delicious!!

It's an egg white omelet with spinach, mushrooms, and a bit of cheese.  I put a small amount of everything so basically all the calories come from the egg whites.  It's a delicious way to start my day!

I also have some microwavable meals for during the day if I don't have time to make something or I don't have something pre-made in my fridge.  Though I'm trying to do more of that than the microwavable meals.  I need to go grocery shopping today so I can make some chicken, bbq quesadillas (around 150 cals per quesadilla).  The Eat What You Love Cookbook is seriously fantastic!  I highly recommend it.

I'm also going to start keeping serving size containers of vegetables (ie corn, green beans, etc) already cooked in my fridge so all I have to do is heat them up and I know exactly how many calories are in them. We'll see how much that I get done today.  I may just end up doing it all tomorrow.

My roommate and I just deep cleaned our room and it looks fantastic!  All I've eaten so far today is my 100 cal bag of cheerios and I'm not hungry at all.  I may drink a Propel Zero in a bit.  Or maybe a Vanilla Coke Zero.  Plans for the rest of the day include: homework, casting call at 6:00pm, Halloween party.  So that's exactly what I'll be doing.  The casting call is for some commercial for a store downtown and I figured I'd give it a shot.  We'll see how it goes.

I haven't decided if I'm going to be Ke$ha or Taylor Swift for the Halloween Party tonight.  I was Ke$ha last night for our social and I kinda just want to do that again!  Haha.  I'll make the decision later.  I'll need to eat something before the party since we'll be drinking.  I just won't eat too much.  Maybe a 300 cal microwavable dinner or something.  We'll see.

Well, I have to shower and get homework done so that's all for now =]

P.S.  I forgot my other complication.  I don't own a scale up at school!  My roommate wouldn't be too happy if I bought one (same roommate from last semester who found out about all of this) so I don't know what to do.  I should just buy one and hide it under my bed.  That way no one needs to get all worried about it and I'll still be able to weigh myself.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

ABC Diet ~ Day 5


Ehhh...Not the most successful of days.  But I've had worse.  I had kind of a hectic day and though I never actually ate something, I picked at a lot all day.  And I'm fairly certain my calories went over 100.  I'm just not sure by how much.  The worse part is that I picked at junk food all day which is just really not good.  Tomorrow's a 200 day and I'm hoping I do much better.  I'm gonna try to eat nothing until dinner time and a 200 cal soup.  That would be perfect :D  Lots of tea and water other than that.

I wish I had more time to update you, I feel like so much is going on in my life.  But I seriously need to get to bed.  I'm not babysitting tomorrow but I would like to catch up on some sleep before my 10am class.

I'm hoping I'll find time to write tomorrow?  We'll see.  I live a hectic and busy life.  What better lifestyle for someone like me?  I still hate the word anorexic.  I don't like to think of myself as one.  It doesn't seem to fit me.  So I restrict my food and eat less than most people.  So what?  Whatever...  I don't think it really matters.

Well I'm off to bed!  Hopefully tomorrow's post will have at least some details of what my life is currently like.  Goodnight!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

ABC Diet - Day 4


So today kinda sucked a bit.  Though not as much as I expected.  I woke up this morning and wasn't hung over at all!  Fantastic :D  Though one of my friends that came out with me last night was.  And we were both pretty drunk together.  I just don't usually get hung over unless it's just for a little bit.

But anyway, I went to breakfast with some of my sorority sisters to hang out and talk.  I had a bowl of Chex Rice Cereal and that's all!  While they heaped their plates with eggs, french toast, potatoes, chicken nuggets, cookies, etc. I was perfectly content with my small bowl of cereal.

But then later, at around 4:30pm, one of my best friends came back to the house and sayed "I got you a cheeseburger from MacDonald's!"  Ughhhhhh!!!!  Whyy?  I tried getting out of it but she acted like she was offended and was like "you barely ate when we went to breakfast this morning and that was a long time ago" so there was just no getting out of it.  So I ended up eating the cheeseburger.

So here's my total:
- Chex Rice Cereal: 120
- MacDonald's Cheeseburger: 300

I haven't eaten anything else so I didn't go over by that much.  Which is fantastic!  I was sure the cheeseburger would have been more than that.  I'm so glad it wasn't.

Well I've gotta get up at 6:00am tomorrow so I can go babysit.  I'll be back tomorrow :D

Oh Goodness... + Day 3


That's pretty damn good!  Before I continue I just want to apologize for the fact that I have been drinking.  I need to stop doing that...  I just haven't been out, practically at all this semester so my friends have been bugging me to go out with them.

- Some mexican style pizza rolls: 100
- 5 Wendy's chicken nuggets: 75
- Tea: 0

Wonderful :D  There isn't much to explain about tonight.  I'm nervous I'm gonna feel like shit in the morning cause I'm pretty drunk.  I'm postponing going to sleep so I can work off a little bit more of the drunk feeling.  Seriously, drinking while being Ana is NOT a good thing!  You get drunk way to fast and can't handle alcohol like you can when you've been eating.  I feel the urge to eat something but know that I can't.  Since it's 4:15 any calories that I eat now should, technically, count towards tomorrows allotted amount.  But since I'm really nervous about being sick tomorrow I may have a small snack since I came in at about half my allotted calories for today.  Idk...

Anyway, I'm gonna end this post with a promise to myself I won't ever drink this much again.  Especially while on the ABC diet.  Even though I didn't really drink that much anyway.  But you know how it goes...

Love you all!  Best wishes and thin thoughts.  I will be thin, I will be beautiful.  Just wait and see!!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

ABC Diet - Day 2


Hurray!  Stayed under my limit for the day :D  Fantastic!

- Propel Zero: 0
- 1/2 Smoked Turkey Sandwich from Panera - 210
- 1/4 Greek Salad from Panera - 92
- Tea: 0

I went to pick up my dress for my friends wedding (I'm walking her flower girl down the isle!!) today and she came with me.  And she wanted to go to lunch with me when we were done so we went to Panera.  Luckily I have all the calorie details and such in the notebook I carry around with me.  But Panera has the calories on the menu anyway which makes this so much easier.  So that's where all my calories from today came from.

I was supposed to go to her apartment for dinner where they were making chili and a bunch of other things.  I was extremely worried about that...  But, I got there around 5:30pm and had to be at rehearsal at 7:00pm and they were no where near being finished with the cooking so I got out of that really easily! I had thought about coming back to my room and going to sleep but decided not to.  So I'm done at 302! Tomorrow's a 300 cal day and I'm determined to accomplish it!  I'm tired of bending to the desire of food.  I'm tired of being weak.  It's time to show myself what I can do!!

Friday, October 21, 2011

Yesterday's Progress


Well...basically.  Here's how:

Tea, a lot - 0
New England Clam Chowder - 210
Goldfish - 120
Alcohol - . . . ?

Yea . . . I practically ate nothing but then drank last night so I don't know.  I didn't drink that much, it doesn't take much when you've only had 330 cals worth of food all day.

Last night wasn't a good night either.  I found out that the guy I like is going to formal with one of my sorority sisters.  And the thing is, we've made out before!  In my bedroom!  Like . . . I get that we just made out but that was a big deal for me to do that with someone in my room.  And now I just feel like a stupid whore.  The thing that I don't understand is that he didn't even try to go further than make out.  He try anything!  Which made me think he actually liked me.  Well, guess I was wrong there.  Should have known.  Obviously no one could ever like me that way.  I need to stop kidding myself.

Then after that I found out that my newest little put me down as #3 on her big list . . ..  I don't know if anyone reading this knows/understands sorority life.  Bigs act as mentors for their littles.  They are role models and advice givers and friends, just like a biological big sister would be.  And, of course, everyone wants their #1 choice.  Or at least their #2.  But . . . #3?  Idk . . . she seems pretty excited but it still didn't feel good to hear it.  I plan on being an amazing big no matter what though.  Just the combination of this and hearing about the guy was not what I needed.

I came back to my room pretty early cause I didn't want to be out anymore.  I just wanted to cry and go to sleep.  So that's what I did.  And I actually cried in front of someone!  I HATE doing that.  I don't like people seeing me weak and vulnerable.  But I did.  For some reason I just wanted to go see one of my friends last night.  She lives in the sorority house with me (only 14 girls live here).  My big graduated last year and this semester Megg has been like a stand in big for me.  And she just hugged me and let me cry.  Then her roommate got back, one of my best friends, and she was really supportive too.  They told me I should sleepover with them so I did.  Which was really nice.  Had I not done that I know I would have gone back to my room and cut myself . . .  I've already done it once this semester.  The problem with cutting is that once you start, it's hard to stop.  Just like an ED.  I hate that I do but sometimes I can't help it.  And other times I can ride out the urge to do it.  It all depends.

Last night I didn't feel too drunk or anything.  But when I woke up this morning . . . goodness.  I felt queasy and shaky.  I had to wake up at 5:45am so I could take a shower and get ready to babysit at 6:30am.  I felt awful!  I went back up to my room, went to the bathroom, and just wanted to throw-up.  But there was nothing to throw up so nothing happened.  After a few minutes the queasiness stopped but I was sweaty and shaky and felt hot/cold at the same time.  I almost called in sick to my babysitting job.  But the shower helped a lot and I felt so much better so I went to work.  I only work till 8:00am when I go take him to daycare so it wasn't bad.  Plus I got payed today.

My stomach still feels a little uneasy.  And I know that will go away with food so I plan on getting something for breakfast soon.  If I don't take a nap first.  Today is another 500 cal day so I have to plan accordingly.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

ABC Diet Again

I know I have been MIA for a while.  But I'm back!  And today I started the ABC Diet again.  Last time I didn't make it very far but hopefully this time will be different.  So, let the blogging commence!


^ my allotted calorie intake for the day.  So far I'm at: 0  Yayy!!

It's 3:22pm and I haven't eaten anything yet.  I was debating eating lunch but...I still haven't decided.  I have 500 cals to spend so I'll probably eat in a little bit.  I just don't have the motivation to.  Which I suppose is a good thing!

I also have a texting buddy =]  Hopefully this one works out better than my past ones have.  I'm excited!  I'm also excited to be back in the swing of things.  Isn't that crazy?  It's a bit messed up how exhilarating an ED can be.  It is in every way a sick obsession.

I'm keeping this post brief, there isn't much for me to say.  I just hope I'll be back a lot more often now!
Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Schizoid |||||||||||||||| 70%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||| 54%
Antisocial |||||| 22%
Borderline |||||||||||||||||| 78%
Histrionic |||||| 26%
Narcissistic |||||| 22%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 42%
Dependent |||||||||||| 42%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||||||| 70%
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