New Ideas

Weighing myself every morning isn't working out for me.  When my weight doesn't change I get semi-dissappointed and I shouldn't!  I'm going to try weighing myself less often.  My next weigh-in is going to be on Saturday January 1st.  I'll also start measuring myself again to see the differences.  Don't worry, I'll keep you posted.

So this morning I broke my 59 hour fast at 11:15pm.  My fast lasted a total of 59 hours.  Not too bad.
Breakfast:
Dannon Strawberry Banana Yogurt - 50 calories
Lunch:
Select Harvest Chicken and Egg Noodle Soup - 100 calories
Dinner:
1/4 box Macaroni and Cheese - 125
Dessert:
1 Tart - unsure how many calories...
So that's 275 plus however many were in the tart.  Not too bad I suppose.  We'll see how I do tomorrow.

I'm babysitting from 9:00am-2:00pm tomorrow so that will keep me busy.  It's for the 4-year-old and 4-month-old again.  I'm going to eat either yogurt or a bowl of Special K cereal in the morning and try to skip out on lunch and not eat again until dinner.  But I may end up eating lunch.  Who knows.

I've decided I'm going to start the ABC diet on January 1st.  When it gets a bit closer I'll fill you all in on the details and everything.  I'm also going to babysit on New Years Eve!!  For a 2-year-old.  I love this little girl plus it will give me an excuse not to drink with my friends (alcohol = unwanted calories) which is fantastic.  Anyway, I have to wake up pretty early tomorrow so it's off to bed with me!

Another successful day!

Of fasting that is :D  I can't believe I have managed to make it two days without eating.  That's a record for me (last time I only lasted 42 hours, so far it's been 50 this time).  I thought I was going to have to break it earlier.  My mom caught me off guard at around 2:45pm and asked if I had eaten anything.  I said no...big mistake.  She said I had to eat something and I said I just wasn't hungry but would eat later.  I thought for sure she'd make me eat, but Laura called (the friend I went to church with yesterday) and asked if I wanted to come over and play Just Dance 2 and I was able to head over there without eating anything.  Plus I got to play Just Dance 2 which meant burning calories!!!

And, to top it all off, I went on the treadmill this morning!!  It was too cold outside to go running so I used the treadmill instead.  I burned 211 calories =]  I realize that isn't much but considering the fact that I haven't eaten any calories in two days it works for me!

I think I'm going to break my fast tomorrow morning.  I haven't decided.  But I am babysitting tomorrow night and I figured I shouldn't do that on the third day of a fast.  They have a 4 year old girl and a 4 month old boy.  I absolutely love babysitting and am so excited!  But I'm going to need a bit more energy so food might be a good idea.  I'll just keep tomorrow's calories to a minimum.

I've started wearing a rubber band around my wrist and have taken to snapping it when I'm hungry and have the urge to eat when I shouldn't.  There are a few welts along my forearm...but it's worth it!

So I managed to accomplish all of my goals from yesterday :D  I'm proud!  I don't really have any "notes to self" this time.  Other than the constant note to watch what I eat and not go over 500 calories (or 300 if I can)!  That's all for now =]

Correct Prediction!!

My prediction was correct!!  Today was a complete day of fasting :D  I had two cups of tea (0 cals) and that's it!  And I'm not even hungry, this is getting a lot easier.  Skipping meals was easier to get away with than I thought it was going to be.  I woke up and went shopping with my mom and dad (I got the yarn I wanted so I can start a new knitting project!!).  Once we got home, my mom made sandwiches for my dad and brother but I had to go to CVS so she didn't make me anything.  I took one of my best friends with me to CVS and she came over afterwards.  And, to my luck, my mom wasn't home!  She took my brother to a friends' house (he's only 15 so he can't drive).  Getting out of lunch = completed!  Another one of my friends asked me to go to church with her so I left to go to her house at 4:45pm so I managed to escape dinner with my family and when I was asked if I wanted to eat anything at her house, I said I had eaten just before coming over.  Once church was over I stayed at her house until 1:00am so getting of dinner = completed!!  On top of that, we played Just Dance 2 for the Wii for about 2 hours so I burned a lot of calories doing that!

I'd say today was a very successful day!  And I'm hoping tomorrow will be just as productive.  We'll just have to wait and see...

Oh my gosh!!!  I completely forgot to write this yesterday!!  In June I am going to go see Taylor Swift in concert!!!!!!  I am beyond excited, words can't even describe it.  She is my inspiration!  She seriously is fantastic and I cannot wait.

Well I'm off to bed!  I'll write again tomorrow (I'm assuming).

Tomorrow's Game Plan:
Go running!!
Keep myself busy to avoid food
Complete another successful day of fasting

Disappointed...

I am so disappointed in myself!!!  I was doing so well today!  This morning I managed to get away with eating only half of this cinnamon bun, french toast casserole thing that my mom made.  I took one look at it and all I could think about were the calories inside...I felt gross.  But Christmas is a pretty big deal with my family so I had to eat some of it.  I'm pretty sure I only ingested about 250-300 calories.  Disgusting I know but it's better than the whole thing!  Then I didn't eat anything else until dinner.  I had to make myself a plate for dinner since we had family over but I did really well and only put a little of everything so I wasn't over eating (turkey, broccoli, stuffing, mashed potatoes).  But then I lost it...I made berry tarts for dessert and I had to eat one of those (they are personal sized), and then I had a Christmas cookie that I baked with my Grandma.  Then somehow I took a few more bites of turkey and stuffing (not too much but I really shouldn't have) and later I had two more cookies!!!  What was I thinking?!!  I probably gained so much weight tonight....I can't believe I let myself do that.

Tomorrow I need to run!!  And do crunches and sit ups and work out until I feel like I'm going to pass out. Or until I pass out.  Anything to work off my Christmas binge!  I thought I was stronger than this...I'm predict a fast in my very near future.  Perhaps tomorrow.  I can come up with some excuse to get out of dinner (breakfast and lunch are easy to get away with since we don't eat these meals as a family).  Maybe I'll attempt a two day fast.  But that's going to be difficult with all of the left overs in the house.  My mom is going to keep trying to feed me...I'll just do the best I can and avoid food at all costs.  Getting out of the house will help a lot.  Maybe I'll go buy some yarn and start a new knitting project, I've just finished the scarf I was working on.

Did you know that I knit?  Well, I do!  I love to knit!!  I've completed many different knitting projects.  My next endeavor is going to be a bag.  I'm really excited about it.  And I have Christmas money now.  So, as an incentive to stay away from food, I will buy myself some yarn.  Maybe I should start rewarding myself for not eating.  I'll keep that in mind for the future if I think I need it.  Perhaps I have the strength to stay away from food and lose weight without a rewards system.  We'll see.

Note to self: I'm sorry for my lack of discipline and self-control.  I promise I will succeed tomorrow.  Trying is not good enough.  After all, if you try but fail, it doesn't matter how hard you tried...you still failed.

Who would have thought?

Who would have thought that my first blog would be about anorexia?

Hi everyone.  I've never kept a blog or anything so I don't quite no what I'm doing, just bare with me.  So, what made me start this blog?  I'm not sure.  Maybe it has something to do with wanting to share my story and experiences.  Maybe I'm just crazy.  I don't know...  It's not like i'm someone special who people want to read a bog about.  But i guess that is of little to no importance.  Because this is my blog, all about me, and if you don't care then you don't have to read.

So I'm pretty nervous about tonight.  It's Christmas Eve and every year we go to my Grandma's house for dinner and family presents.  We usually do a nice Italian dinner (my mom's side is half-Italian) but this year my Grandma is too tired to make dinner so we are ordering pizza.  I'm going to try to get away with eating as little as possible, I'm just nervous that it's going to be hard.  I've been preparing for Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner though, I haven't eaten anything in a few days (this is the third day).  Well, that isn't entirely true. Yesterday I had a bowl of Select Harvest Italian-Style Vegetable Soup (only 50 calories!!).  But other than that I've been drinking tons of water (the faster you drink it, the fuller you get) and tea.  The idea of a big family dinner makes me pretty anxious though...I have to hope I have the strength to stop eating once I start.  I don't want to ruin all of my hard work!

A little about me:
I'm 19 years old at 5'8".  When this whole thing started I weighed around 127.  I currently (as of this morning) weigh 119!  My current goal weight is 115, but that will probably change once I reach it.  I weigh myself every morning when I wake up and keep a journal tracking my calorie intake each day.  I give myself a max of 500 calories but try not to go over 300 each day.  I generally feel extremely guilty if I do...  But there have been times where there was no getting around eating a lot of calories.

I suppose you'll learn more if you continue to follow my blog.  Assuming I can keep up with it, lol.  I think I'll be able to.  I enjoy talking about my anorexia, although I'm not sure why.

Well, my family is about to leave to go to my grandparent's house so I guess that's all for now!
Until next time :D