Just need to type!

I have mixed emotions today...  Let me start from the beginning.

I spent the morning and afternoon making spaghetti sauce for my friend.  I didn't eat anything and was feeling really good about myself.  Then my mom told me she was coming home early from work (at 1:00pm) so around 12:15 I made a peanut butter and jelly wrap on a little flour tortilla.  I took one bite then went outside and put the rest in the garbage bin.  I made sure to put the peanut butter and jelly back in slightly different places and left evidence of the sandwich on the plate (little peanut butter drops and jelly smears) and put the dirty knife in the sink.  My mom smelled the peanut butter when she came home and believed everything!  It was wonderful :D  So I didn't have to worry about her pestering me about eating.

So that's all that I had eaten.  Then, my brother made pigs in a blanket and I couldn't resist eating one...so much for self-control!  Then I had a few pieces of caramel corn...  This is not okay!!  Now my family is thinking of going to Outback for dinner and, if we go, I know I'm going to go waaay over my 100 for the day.  So I was thinking of how to get out of it, and I had it all planned out.  And then my mind started losing it!  All of a sudden I wanted to go to Outback and I wanted to eat the calories and the food...  What is wrong with me?!  All of a sudden I wished so badly to get over the ana...but I know that when I wake up tomorrow they will be back.  So what do I do?!  I can't give in....it's not worth it!  But I know if we go out I am going to....it makes me want to cry.  How can I willingly shovel all of those calories in my mouth when I know it's not what I ultimately want?

I just need help....and support...I don't know what to do anymore!  At least for tonight...tomorrow I will be back.  I will keep counting and restricting calories.  I just don't know how to handle moments like this...

If someone is reading this blog, and I'm starting to think that no one does, if you could just leave a supporting comment.  Anything!  Something nice or supportive or helpful.  Just so I know someone is there...

ABC Diet - Day 4

I managed to skip out on dinner all together!!  I just had a few carrots and that's it.  I'm so proud of myself! I did some thinspo researching (although the most effective thinspo for me isn't pictures, it's sayings and motivational phrases).  And it worked!  I lost my appetite and knew I could stay strong and resist food.  Amazing how quickly my ana and I have become close friends.  I find comfort in her now.  It's strange how she just kind of...takes over.  Anyway, here is my food diary for the day:

• 1/2 Panera Greek Salad (no tomatoes, yucky) - 180
• 1/4 Apple - 60
• Some cheese and crackers - ...? (I HATE not know the calories!!!)
• Some baby carrots

So the total is 240 + ?.  My limit was 400 for today, I think I stayed in that range.  Though you can never be sure when you aren't counting every calorie...

Tomorrow I am making homemade spaghetti sauce and meatballs for my friend.  It's her Christmas present (yes, it's past Christmas but she's my friend from college and we don't really hang out much when we are home, even though we live about 15 minutes from each other.  It's just weird because we both live different lives when we are home).  It shouldn't be hard to keep within my 100 calories for tomorrow.  Overall I'd say I'm doing really well on my ABC Diet!

I've also decided that there is to be NO eating after 8:00pm.  No more late night cravings and light snacking.  It is no longer acceptable.  I'm not going to tell anyone unless they try getting me to eat after 8:00pm.  The less people know about my new eating habits the better, I don't want them to catch on.


On a side note, I was watching The Biggest Loser today with my mom.  Talk about incentive not to eat!!  I can't imagine being that overweight....It makes me sick to think about.  Watching that show encourages me to to keep up my strength and stay away from food.

Need a distraction!

I'm doing okay so far...it's a 400 day and I haven't gone over.  So far I'm at 240 calories...that I know of at least...that was my lunch (I went out with my mom).  But I've also had some cheese and crackers and idk how many calories were in that...I didn't have too many so I'm imagining not much but still!  Unknown calories might as well be 1,000+!!  You never know!!!  Plus, I only burned off 163 calories this morning...I don't have a gym membership and the only work out equipment we have at home is a treadmill.  I nearly made it to 30 minutes but I almost passed out and had to stop.  At the rate I'm going I'll never get to 115 let alone 100!!  I just have 2 more pounds to lose before I reach my next goal of 115.  I just have to keep that in mind.  Positive thoughts!!  Now if only I could get those thoughts away from food...I want sooo badly to go into my kitchen and have a snack.  But I know I can't!  And who knows what dinner will be like...I already told my mom I wasn't hungry so eating light shouldn't be a problem.  Getting past her tomorrow may be more difficult...it's a 100 calorie day.  Oh boy.  I just have to take things one step at a time.

ABC Diet - Day 3

340/300
Okay...so today wasn't quite so successful as the other days...I went over by 40.  And only because my mom brought me caramel corn and I would have felt so bad turning her down.  Mexican Monday didn't end up happening so I didn't go to Moe's, I had some low cal soup instead.  Here's what I had today:

• Select Harvest Savory Chicken and Brown Rice Soup - 120
• 1/2 cup of Cookies and Cream Ice Cream - 120
• 1/2 cup of Boy Scout Caramel Corn - 100

Bringing the grand total to 340.  But, I went significantly under my allotted calories the past two days so I don't feel incredibly guilty about it.  Although I'm extremely disappointed in myself and, therefore, have a new rubber band welt on my arm.  I'm going to force myself to work off 400 calories tomorrow, possibly more so.  I've decided to burn off 10 calories for every 1 calorie that I go over.

Tomorrow is a 400 calorie day and I do NOT plan on going over!!  That would just be unacceptable.

Weigh In!

So I weighed and measured myself this morning!!  Good news!  I'm at 117 lbs :D  Hurray!!!  I'm super excited.  I wasn't expecting that big of a loss, I thought maybe 1 lb.  But I'll take 2!  Haha.  So here are my updated stats:

Weight: 117 lbs
Waist: 25 1/2"
Hips: 33"
Thigh: 18 1/4"
Calf: 12 1/4"
Upper Arm: 9 1/2"
Wrist: 6"


So the ABC Diet is working thus far.  Let's hope it continues to work :D  I still have all of my 300 calories left as of right now.  I'll probably go eat something low cal to jump start my metabolism though (skipping breakfast = bad idea).  But just something small, like a pickle (5 cals) or something.  Some of my friends have Mexican Monday every Monday night where they go eat at a different Mexican restaurant and tonight is Moe's.  I did some heavy research last night on the calorie count for different foods and found some really good, low cal options.  So I'm pretty excited!

Successful first two days!

I'm doing really well so far!  Today marks my second successful day on the ABC Diet!!  Today and yesterday were both 500 or less calorie days.  Yesterday I ate 400 and today I ate around 360!  Yippie!!  Tomorrow is a 300 calorie day so we'll see how I do!  Tomorrow also happens to be a weigh in day.  But, since it's only been two days, I don't expect much of a difference.

Anyway, I realized I never explained what the ABC Diet is.  Basically it's a 50 day diet with a set calorie limit for each day ranging from fasting to 800.  The idea is to keep your body from getting accustomed to a certain calorie intake.  Apparently switching it up is supposed to help you continue to lose weight.  Here is the schedule:

Day 1: 500 or less
Day 2: 500 or less
3: 300
4. 400
5. 100
6. 200
7. 300
8. 400
9. 500
10. Fast
11. 150
12. 200
13. 400
14. 350
15. 250
16. 200
17. Fast
18. 200
19. 100
20. Fast
21. 300
22. 250
23. 200
24. 150
25. 100
26. 50
27. 100
28. 200
29. 200
30. 300
31. 800
32. Fast
33. 250
34. 350
35. 450
36. Fast
37. 500
38. 450
39. 400
40. 350
41. 300
42. 250
43. 300
44. 200
45. 250
46. 200
47. 300
48. 200
49. 150
50. Fast

I may have to switch some of the days to make it easier (like if someone forces me to eat one day I may have to switch a fasting day with something else).  But I'm going to try to stay as close to this as possible.  It shouldn't be too hard, until I get back up to school (like I said before).  I'm really nervous about that...ugh...

Well, it's really late (just about 2:00am here) so I'm going to sleep.  I will post my weigh in results in the morning :D

Starting Stats

Good morning everyone!  It's 1-1-11 so it should be a lucky day!!  Just weighed myself and took my measurements.  A little disappointed by what I saw but it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be.  Though I've gained 2 pounds since I last weighed myself...

Weight: 119lbs
Waist: 26 1/2"
Hips: 33 3/4"
Thigh: 18 3/4"
Calf: 12 1/2"
Upper Arm: 9 1/2"
Wrist: 6"

So those are my stats.  Hopefully they will steadily be getting smaller!  But I am not checking again until Monday January 3rd.  I joined a competition on one of the pro-ana sites I visit and they have weigh ins every Monday and Friday.  The competition is just to lose weight anyway you can.  As you know, I've chosen the ABC Diet.  Well I'm off!  I'll write again soon :D