I don't know that I can keep up this blog anymore. I'm clinging desperately to the idea of recovery and that's not what this blog symbolizes for me. This blog is where I went when I was clinging to Ana (the name of the voice my anorexia has in my head) and all of her fake promises of success and happiness. Now I can see that she was lying.
Maybe I'll be able to use this as a recovery blog at some point. But, for now, I just need to step back and take some time for myself. I've seen a dietitian and have my own food plan, I have a psychiatrist and am on medication, and am currently looking to switch therapists. I have the business card of a woman who specializes in individuals with eating disorders. I'm taking life into my own hands.
For any of you reading this blog I highly recommend reading "Life Without Ed" and "Goodbye Ed, Hello me" both by Jenni Schaefer. They are incredibly inspiring books! I read a few small sections every night (each chapter is broken down into two to three page sections) and it helps a lot. She's got some great advice. And some harsh reality stuff. Anyway, you should read them.
I'll do what I can to get back on here from time to time and update you all. Assuming you haven't stopped checking for updates. But I'm not even going to get your hopes up with a false promise to try and be on here more often. I'll come on when I can and feel up to it.
For now, goodbye and thank you. Keep fighting! Recovery is an option..