Wednesday, August 17, 2011

At Least I'm Losing


Yup, that's my weight as of this afternoon.  I can't believe I let myself get so fat...  Just a few months ago I was down to 117!!  But, then again, a few weeks ago I was 140.  That was the tipping point for me.  I knew I had to get rid of the fat and see my beautiful, skinny self again.  And I will go above and beyond!!

I've been skipping meals like crazy.  I forgot how easy it was to trick people and lie your way out of meals.  But now that I'm back on track it's like second nature to me.  I'm hoping for a fast day tomorrow, shouldn't be hard at all.  I'm supposed to go shopping with a friend (to her: oh sorry, ate lunch before we left.  to my mom: oh yea, I totally ate with Laura while shopping!)  And then at dinner time, suddenly my stomach just doesn't feel right and I don't wanna eat.  Sounds perfect to me :D

I go back up to college on Monday and I'm hoping to start the ABC diet at the same time.  I'm getting rid of my meal plan and cooking all my own meals.  Getting rid of all my excuses for breaking the diet.  Can't feel bad about wasting the money I spent on a meal plan. can't ignore counting calories since I'll be making my own meals.  This needs to work!

Now for some personal information:
There is this guy that I've hooked up with a few times (no sex, just other things).  Well, he's had a girlfriend for the past few months so we haven't done anything (I'm absolutely opposed to cheating!!).  But I just found out yesterday that him and his girlfriend broke up.  I was inwardly excited about the news but wasn't gonna do anything about it, I don't want people thinking I'm a slut or anything.  So guess who contacted me today?  Yup.  He did.  He says he wants to hang out before we both go back to school, and we all know what that means.  I'm not going to go out of my way to see him but if I do end up hanging out with him I know we'll end up hooking up.  Just not sure how far we'll go (absolutely no sex though!!)  I don't wanna seem like a slut but...he makes me feel so comfortable with myself.  Like someone can like me just the way I am.  Though it has the opposite effect that you would expect.  I don't get a burst of self-confidence that suppresses my ana urges.  I get a burst of self-confidence that encourages my ana urges.  Suddenly I get the power to lose weight and a mind set full of power and strength.  And I LOVE that feeling!

So that's where I am at the moment...  I'm gonna try writing on this blog more and get back into the game.  But in this game, higher numbers don't make the winner.  The lower, the better!

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Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||||||||||||| 86%
Schizoid |||||||||||||||| 70%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||| 54%
Antisocial |||||| 22%
Borderline |||||||||||||||||| 78%
Histrionic |||||| 26%
Narcissistic |||||| 22%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 42%
Dependent |||||||||||| 42%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||||||| 70%
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