I'm Back!

Goodness...  It has been so long since my last post.  I've been fighting so hard for recovery and have lost it all.  Quick update:

Things with my mom got a lot better.  She still thinks it's unnecessary for me to see a psychiatrist and be taking medication (I'm currently taking Sertraline).  But at least she doesn't openly talk about her disapproval much anymore.

I'm back at school and haven't seen a psychiatrist or psychologist or anyone since I left home.  I really need to get on that...

I have completely lost all desire to eat.  I just don't want to anymore.  It's not like I need to.  I'm down to 132 and just want to keep losing.  Unfortunately it's harder to hide because the people that know about my past experiences are so worried that I'll fall victim to the eating disorder again.  Though I've realized it never really left, I just got good at ignoring it.  And now I remember what's it like and am wondering why I ever gave it up.

I want to get back down to 115.  Then possibly 110.  No smaller than that.  I just want to be thin and beautiful.

I've cut a few times recently as well.  I just love the blood...  And the pain.  It hasn't been deep.  The last thing I need is more scars to explain.  Just enough to satisfy my need.

Well that's really all I have to say for now..  I'm sorry I've been MIA for so long.  I'll definitely try to update more frequently